Here Comes the Judge

I was very upset when I heard that Judge Judy was rushed to the hospital yesterday.  I’m now happy to report that she is feeling well and being released today.

I didn’t always like Judge Judy.  I remember my Aunt Theresa watching the show.  I would shake my head and laugh at my silly old aunt.  I had never actually watched the show but didn't understand how a smart person like Aunt T could watch “that crap."   

My Aunt Theresa

One day last year I was on the couch watching Dr. Phil and couldn’t find the remote.  Judge Judy’s show follows, and  I was too lazy to get off my fat ass to search for the remote control.  I am now addicted to the show and adore that crazy old woman.  Aunt T, wherever you are, now I get it!

 Did you know that the bailiff's name is Petri Hawkins-Byrd?  She calls him Byrd.  I bet you think his name is Burt -- yep, me too.  Byrd has a degree in criminal justice from John Jay College, and is a real bailiff. 

When Judge Judy was offered her show in 1996, he wrote her a congratulatory note saying “if you ever need a bailiff, I still look good in a uniform.”  She called him at home to accept his proposal, and he’s been her bailiff ever since. 

The moral?  Grandma was right -- don’t underestimate a nice handwritten note.

Judge Wapner, the original People’s Court judge – the grandfather of all court shows – doesn't care for Judge Judy.  He stated:

She is a disgrace to the profession. She does things I don't think a judge should do. She tells people to shut up. She's rude. She's arrogant. She demeans people.

YES!  YES!  YES! 

That’s why we LOVE her!

Listen, if you’re a drunk and your boyfriend is a nasty, angry SOB, your kids were taken away by CPS, but your neighbor took care of your kids while you were in detox and your prince was in jail – would you go on Judge Judy and sue that neighbor for the return of a computer?

Was Judge Judy rude, arrogant and demeaning?  Of course!  She’s been on the air since 1996, you know what you’re getting yourself into!

Picture it:  you have a small claims court and someone says

"hey, I have a great idea!  Take this case to the Judge Judy show.  They’ll fly you out to California, put you up in a nice hotel, and win or lose you’ll get paid about $250, plus you get your 15 minutes of fame on t.v.”

I wouldn’t have to give it a second thought.  I’d say HELL NO!   She scares the bejeezes out of me and I don't want to go through life with people whispering behind my back:

"Look, that's the woman Judge Judy made

pee her pants on national t.v."

 

HERE COMES THE JUDGE, HERE COMES THE JUDGE

There are so many court shows on television, most suck, but some have their moments. 

Judge Lynn Toler of Divorce Court has better one-liners than Matthew Perry’s new show, Mr. Sunshine.  A man was complaining that his wife started talking to ghosts and that the ghosts told her to paint the kitchen blood red.

Judge Lynn turns to the woman and deadpans, "Mrs. Taylor are you taking decorating tips from the deceased?"

Judge Karen Mills once said to a plaintiff “you’re suing this woman for not telling you your boyfriend was a scumbag and it seems to me that you should have known your boyfriend was a scumbag.”

I wonder what Judge Wapner thinks of Judge Mills’ language!

Then there's Judge Herman Munster.  Okay, so he's really Judge Alex, but really -- I can't see the difference.

 JUDGE JUDY LITE

Judge Marilyn Milian of The People’s Court is my absolute favorite judge.  She’s one hot Latina Tamale, but won’t burn you new asshole…  unless you piss her off!

THANK YOU!   dogs who bite people. 

THANK YOU!   people who don't pay their rent. 


And a special thank you to all you stupid girls out there.  All you ladies out there with that wonderful man with no job who "deserves" that cell phone, tire rims, bail,  back child support payment money, or whatever.  Thank you for loaning him the money that he now says is a gift.

It makes me laugh and talk to you through the t.v.  I say

"Ah yes, that's some mighty expensive peen."

Keep it coming people .....