Cell Phones How I Loathe Thee

As anyone who reads my Aunt Annie blog knows, I am a big fan of technology.  I computize, Googlize and do the facebook fandango.  It’s a thrill that technology allows me to discover new worlds and learn new information. 

To learn something new each day is to stay young at heart.  Well, that and a sense of humor, because without a sense of humor you may as well just dig the hole and cover yourself with dirt right now.

However, there is one thing I avoid as much as possible – the cell phone. 

It has nothing to do with all the warnings about brain tumors that they can or cannot prove, depending on who you believe.  Let the younger generation worry about brain tumors.  At 53, thinking about the onset of senility keeps me awake at night; I don’t need to also worry about brain tumors.

I hate cell phones! 

I’m not going to argue that a cell phone isn't a good thing to have.  Like if I’m on the LIE at 2:00 a.m. and need help -- yeah sure.  But I think the bigger problem is what the HELL am I doing on the LIE at 2:00 in the morning?



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The only other plus of a cell phone is the ability to let someone know if you are running late for an appointment.

But in each scenario, the call is less than five minutes.

PEOPLE WHO CALL MY HOME NUMBER AND THEN CALL MY CELL

I am not sitting here waiting for your call.  Sometimes I use the bathroom.  When you know I'm home and you leave a message on my home phone, why do you then call my cell phone? 

Maybe I’m ignoring you!

Okay, I admit I’m guilty of this one.  But only with my parents because they're in their late 70’s, and when they don’t answer the home phone I worry.

First I call my mother’s cell, then my father’s.  If they don’t answer, my brain goes into worst case scenario mode.  They’re battered and bleeding, lying in a ditch somewhere (even though I don’t think ditches are much of a problem on Long Island). 

I call my brothers and their wives -- home phones, cell phones, even work numbers – I’m relentless until I find out where my parents are.

Turns out Mama and Papa were at Wal-Mart for the fourth time this week and forgot to turn on their cell phones. 



Not my parents

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/

PEOPLE WHO AUTOMATICALLY CALL THE CELL WHEN THEY KNOW I’M HOME

It’s 7:30 at night.  Wheel of Fortune is on t.v.  I’m in an online poker tournament, about to go all in with pocket aces.  My cell phone is in my pocketbook, about 10 feet away. 

You have my home number but you’re too lazy to get off your ass to look it up in your phonebook.  So you just sit there, search your contact list and hit send. 

That means when I hear that annoying Latin tune, Sunny Day (which I have no idea how to get rid of), I have to get off MY ass, walk the 10 feet and start fishing around in the bottom of my pocketbook.  By the time I find it you’re no longer on the other end.

I sit down to continue my poker tournament and the cell phone starts to beep.  It’s the voice mail you left for me.  I retrieve it, and you know what it says? 

“Why don’t you answer your cell phone?”

Are you kidding me?  I have a land line.  Do a Google search of "cell phone" and Wikipedia shows up with a definition of mobile phone!

The first mobile phone

A mobile phone (also called mobile, cellular telephone, or cell phone) is an electronic device used to make mobile telephone calls across a wide geographic area. Mobile phones are different from cordless telephones, which only offer telephone service within a limited range of a fixed land line, for example within a home or an office.

So when I’m sitting at my computer, losing chips to some jerk in Argentina who catches a straight against my pocket aces, I am not mobile, I’m just pissed off, and how do I stop that damn Latin tune?!!!

Follow this link and click on the arrow to hear the song.  Play it over and over and over again to understand angst:  http://www.tehkseven.net/ringtone/65640/samsung-sunny-day-mp3-ringtone.html

TEXT MESSAGES

I do enjoy communicating via email.  It’s convenient for all parties.  I write to you when I’m free.  You respond to me when you’re free.  Easy.  Some people say it’s impersonal, yeah maybe.  But I'm lucky to have many friends in my life that I want to keep up with -- who has to time to chat on the phone with all these people?  

Impersonal is the text message.  I understand the quick text when you’re meeting a friend for Mojitos at 6:00.  You’ve already discussed this soiree on the phone or via email.  Then a text the day of is fine. 

cu@6 … woo hoo

My brother and sister-in-law have taken impersonal communication to a whole new level.  Everything is text messages. 

Deb bday cake Thur @7:30

herd u got fired – sry tht sux

had 2 put dog down today L

TELEPHONE, I HATE YOU

The telephone was one of the greatest inventions ever.  It was the grandfather of instant communication.  It has evolved and reinvented itself as much as Madonna.  Bravo!

I got my own phone when I turned 16.  It was a princess model.  I never chatted much.  I do not like talking on a phone.  Until the cordless came out I felt trapped and it hurt my ear.  Now I have a cordless, I'm no longer so trapped, but it still hurts my ear.   

I was telling my 9 year old niece about the rotary phone and she couldn’t get a mental picture of it.  She kept saying “what do you mean; you stick your finger in a hole?”

Today I have four girlfriends that I will speak to on the phone for longer than ten minutes.  Two because it's months in between chats and two because they won’t shut the hell up -- and

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!