facebook, how I love thee

FACEBOOK was invented for college kids, it was not intended for the older generation, but we’re loving it.  The good news is that I have connected with people I lost track of years ago.  The bad news is that I have connected with people I lost track of years ago. 

I have facebook “friends” that were never my friends.  But how do you not friend a friend who is a friend of a friend?  Huh?

Okay, so I’m friends with Judy and post witty tidbits on her wall every day. Betsy sees my posts on Judy’s wall and wants to be my friend.  I don’t like Betsy, I never liked Betsy.  Betsy was a snob who made fun of my eczema and stole my boyfriend in the 6^th grade.  I despise Betsy.  But she’s Judy’s friend -- how can I not accept her friend request?  FBD! (facebook dilemma).

I took on one of these “friends” recently and was rewarded by her finding something I posted on my wall offensive.  She reported me to facebook. 

I cropped this picture so as not to offend any cry babies.  In my original post, you could see his hairy hiney.  My opinion is that this doesn't count as naked because it's well covered by fur.

I now have a disclaimer that I copy and paste into a private message whenever someone requests my friendship.

I’m happy to be your facebook friend.  Please be warned that I will post hilariously inappropriate and tasteless links, videos, and pictures.  If you are easily offended please block me from your newsfeed or defriend me at your earliest opportunity.  My feelings will not be hurt.

 

facebook Pet Peeves

It’s raining and I'm a wee bit cranky.  Let's talk about my fb pet peeves:

News friends – I appreciate offbeat morsels of information from unknown Australian magazines.  Fascinating.  But when you post news items from CNN or the NY Times about current news events such as the horror that is going on in Japan it makes me feel like you think I’m a moron.  I get it, you’re smart.  But I can read and watch the news.

Diary friends – “Shower/gym/lunch/nap/dinner/bar with bffs” may be scintillating information in your mind, but every other person in FB Land could care less about every little detail of your daily routine.  Listen, I have my own routine that I could post: “FB/shower/FB/People’s Court/FB/The Price is Right/FB/lunch/nap/FB/Judge Judy/dinner/FB/primetime t.v./ playing with Antonio The Pet Monkey/bed.” 

Let’s make a deal – I won’t bore you if you don’t bore me.

FourSquare Friends – if you’re not buying me a turkey sandwich at that deli, I don’t need to know you’re there.

Farmville Friends -- ah, never mind -- I've blocked your stupid cows and pigs from my newsfeed.

And finally, to all my friends whose kids made the honor roll, and those who travel the world, climb mountains, ski, surf, or meet celebrities, blah, blah, blah  -- alright already, I get it -- you're life is f*%king wonderful.  I'm so f*&king happy for YOU!!! 

Sorry, I woke up with a very bad case of FBE (facebook envy). 

Have a nice day. 

And now a word from Antonio the Pet Monkey

Healthy Friends – I know you feel wonderful about going to the gym.  That workout gets your endorphins all revved up.  Good for you.  But when you tell me about it every friggin day I get to thinking that perhaps you’re just bragging and think you’re better than me.  Kiss my lazy fat ass as it lays on the couch eating Doritos.