Tools, Carpenters and the Irish Curse

THE TOOL

Whenever the conversation at the kitchen table turns to the size of penises (no, it’s not unusual for my family to discuss penis size) my mother has always stated with authority

“it’s not the tool, it’s the carpenter”

Every head nods in agreement because mothers are always right.  Of course my brothers are going to agree.  They’re a gang of Irish Americans with wee willie winkies. 

I love to torture them about “the Irish curse.”  The Irish curse, for those of you who don’t know, is the stereotypical joke that Irish men have small weenies.

But what you might not have known – and yes, that’s why Aunt Annie is here, to teach you new things – is that it can also refer to the combination of small weenie/large testicles.

And this combo is also known as ALL POTATOES, LITTLE MEAT

It has been said that the original meaning of the Irish Curse refers to the fact that Irish men drink to excess.  They stay at the pub a few pints too long and go home to make love to their wives.  The Irish Curse sets in – their tools are as useless as a rubber drill.



Irish Curse, a/k/a "Whiskey Dick"



SORRY MA!

Unlike my brothers, I don't have a male ego that hinges on the tool/carpenter theory.  My parents started dating at 13 and got married at 20, so ...

What the hell does she know about tools?   

And I don’t care what kind of master carpenter he may be, unless my father is sporting some kind of magical tool, the Swiss Army knife of penises, she has no idea what the hell she’s talking about. 

I’m 53, single and never married.  I have been shopping at the Penis Home Depot. 

You know what? 

Sorry Ma, sometimes ... IT'S THE TOOL!

How could I NOT include a dancing weenie?