Grumpy Old Men

According to AARP magazine, there’s a whole population of old men wanting to have sex.  I’m not talking AARP old, I’m talking antique, already paid for the cemetery plot old – 80’s and 90’s. 

Remember when you were in your 20’s and the thought of "old people" having sex was disgusting?  And "old" was 40 or 50? 

And as you get older you realize that “disgusting old people sex” is always 20 years older than whatever age you are at the time.  I don’t find 50’s and 60’s sex disgusting anymore.  Even early 70’s sex is fine -- okay, wait a minute -- I just felt a cringe and a chill run up my spine.

My father is the youngest of 11, so I have cousins in their 70’s.  My 70 year old cousin recently got a new IPhone.  Let’s call him "David" for identification purposes. 

Anyway David was very excited when he bought a new IPhone.  Everyone knows how the IPhone works  – you touch the screen and it does what you want it to do – MAGIC! 

The magic is really just the device taking the electric charge from your body as you touch the screen, and transferring it to the phone.

David’s IPhone didn’t work when he touched it, so he had to buy a $12 special stylus pen to make the thing work.  He thought he was the only one to need a special pen for an IPhone, until he talked to a few of his old geezer buddies and learned that they too needed the special pen.

These old bastards don’t have enough juice left in their bodies to work an IPhone, but they fantasize about getting laid a few times an hour.  And you know they'll fight each other to the death over that last Viagra.

I know it's a foreign language, but I swear I heard "give me that Viagra you old bastard!"

 
Hugh Hefner, 84, is engaged to marry 24 year old Crystal Harris.  Listen, when you name your kid Crystal, she's gonna end up being a pole dancer or playboy bunny -- or crypt keeper.   
  

Crystal the Crypt Keeper and her Cranky Old Man, a Major Stockholder of VIAGRA

Grumpy Old Men -- Not just a Movie  

Then



Now



Now

The truth is that men get grumpier with age.  You want proof?  Look at Bill Cosby.  He used to be funny and entertaining.  Now every time I see him he’s complaining and whining about something. 

Wally

My father’s name is Walter, but his whole life he’s been Wally.  Everybody loves Wally.  Wally the joker.  Wally the fun guy.  Smiling Wally. 

Now that he's an old man, Wally’s face is set in a permanent scowl.  He isn't even aware of it, it's just his face now.  We have to bring it to his attention.  We say "hey, Walter, smile."

Walter

The brilliance of Ventriloquist Jeff Dunham and Walter!

And yet we put up with the grumps, the grouches and the curmudgeons in our lives because we love them. Plus, they die before us. That’s why at any senior citizen center you’ll see women fighting over the men -- to the death.

I know it's a foreign language, but I swear I heard "keep your hands off him, that’s my grumpy old man you bitch!" before they start pummeling each other

 
 

Oh, if you want to read the AARP article on how old farts want more sex, click here:

http://www.aarp.org/health/medical-research/info-01-2011/older_men_still_want_more_sex.html