The Gratitude Alphabet Game

I recently read an article in a spiritual magazine about gratitude. The author plays a version of “I went to the Supermarket and I Bought ...” game but instead of groceries, she lists things for which she is grateful.

Stressed out while stuck in traffic, it relaxes her. If she can’t fall asleep, instead of counting sheep, she counts her blessings. She said that she starts at A and is fast asleep well before she gets to Z. I thought this could be a useful game for me in my daily life.

This morning on a crowded Number 2 subway I decided to put the Gratitude Alphabet Game into play. I figured it was that or smack the hell out of the clueless guy who, every time he turned the page of his New York Times, hit my hair -- not my head, just the hair. It grazed it just enough to be annoying, yet not enough to make a big deal about it.

So I start the Gratitude Alphabet, and thus the ensuing conversation with myself:

A – I’m grateful for …. Avocado. Oh yes, I love Avocado! Yum. Vegetable … wait, I think it’s a fruit … well, whatever it is, I love it. Um, okay, I don’t really love it. I like it. What I really love is using Avocado to make Guacamole. Yeah. I LOVE Guac! Okay, remember when you get to “G” to list Guacamole.

B – I’m grateful for … bacon. Oh yummy. That crumbled bacon is what made that salad so good for lunch yesterday. I’m definitely going to have it again today. Or maybe I’ll get a BLT. Oh yeah. I am so grateful for bacon.

C –cake -- Chocolate cake. Hey wait a minute. I’m listing just foods here. What the hell? Yeah, sure, no food problem here! Okay, so let’s just say I’m grateful for food. So, no listing of food. Okay.

D – Dogs. I love dogs. Daisy. I love her. Daisy the Dog! Wow two D’s. Wait. Shouldn’t I have said “Dad”? What the hell is wrong with me? Oh no. How could I not have listed Bryan for B? My nephew who is in the Army and I haven’t seen in months and I miss so much and I love him like he was my own child! How could I have put bacon before Bryan? Okay, wait, this is silly. Let’s just say I’m grateful for all my loved ones, so no listing people.

E – Eggplant. Oh wait, shit, that’s food. No food. Okay, elephants. Eh. I mean I like elephants but am I really grateful for them? There must be some “E” that I’m grateful for. ... Earth. I LOVE the earth. Okay, that’s more like it. Much more spiritual. Yes, I am grateful for Mother EARTH. Now I’m on a roll. Okay …

F – Fellatio!      What?      Oh man – where did THAT come from?

The 12 year old boy who lives in my head has hijacked the Gratitude Alphabet game. It has now turned into the “I Went to the Dirty Bookstore and I Bought” game.

D is now for dildo; B is for balls – screw Daddy, Bryan, Daisy the dog and the chocolate cake -- this game is much more fun!  Heh heh!

G – Gratitude – it’s my subway stop, I get off the train and the game ends. The 12 year old boy who lives in my head is quieted – for now.